You know, I’ve battled my weight for as long as I can remember. My first memory knowing I was chumby, hmmm….I think I was about 8 years old and I realized I was 20 lbs heavier than my classmates. Today, this is not a lot, as A LOT of kids are overweight [and that’s a WHOLE other post] but back then I was the only girl in my class who was overweight. I remember what it felt like and I didn’t like it.
Flash forward 25 years and I’m still struggling with that extra 20-40 lbs. I go up, I go down. I’ve tried a lot of different things. Never diet pills. Always something like Weight watchers or Jenny Craig. Working out more, watching what I eat. that sort of thing.
I read a lot of people’s stories on the internet and in print about their issues with food. I’m FASCINATED by anyone’s struggle with the bulge, and I voraciously read blog posts, articles, and the like. In these articles, someone is always coming to the realization that they have used food as a filler. Something to stuff down their emotions, or fill an emotional void. Often you hear them say “Food was my best friend.” “Food comforted me.” “I used food to salve the pain.”
I’ve thought long and hard about this and my ‘realization’ is: I just like to eat.
Plain and simple. If something tastes good, I want more. If something tastes like crap, I don’t want it at all. and High calorie, fat laden food tends to taste really really good and ergo, I like it. I like it a lot. I like the way yummy food tastes. and I’m like a 6 year old when it comes to decisions about my food. Ice cream for breakfast? You bet! Birthday cake when it’s no one’s birthday? why not? peanut butter as a food group? sure thing.
Trust me, I’ve been in therapy. I KNOW what my issues are, but using food as a filler for some void deep in my psyche is not one of them. I don’t eat to numb pain. I don’t eat less when I’m stressed. I don’t ever lose my appetite from my feelings. I do reward myself with food [do well on an exam, do a good job at work = CRAVE CUPCAKES!] but I don’t see this as any sort of emotional eating, but rather a cheap, inexpensive reward. People always say, don’t use food as a reward. Why the hell not? It’s cheap, it’s readily available. and like I said, it tastes good.
I don’t think of food as my best friend, I don’t think of food as “there for me.” And I don’t think that people who feel that way are wrong. I’m just saying that personally, I don’t have those issues. I like food. I like yummy food. I like sweet and salty and sour and crunchy and smooth and tasty.
Maybe someday I will wake and realize that I’m just deluding myself and I really do have deep-seeded issues about food. But then I’d prolly just roll over and get a cinnamon bun.
The Dog walker wrote that she was “Ill Behaved” and that her behavior would be “unacceptable” in a large dog.
