Monthly Archives: January 2021

Book 6 – more detailed update

Date: January 25, 2021
Author: margaritagakis
Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: 2 Replies

In an effort to maintain accountability, I thought I’d pop in and put up some notes on where Book 6 is and what’s happening.

So, way back in, like, 2018? 2017? IDEK anymore, I had written a large chunk and book 6 was sitting at about 48000 words. And then, I didn’t know where it was going or how to get where I wanted it to go. I had my high-level plot point, but didn’t quite know how to get there.

As an example, for book 5, I knew there would be a forest fire and Jade would battle it and SOMETHING would happen where she would be in over her head and she’d have to have THIS MOMENT OF TRUST AND SURRENDER with Paris.

And that’s usually how deep into WHAT WILL HAPPEN that I know for my books. I usually have a high-level idea of what I want to have happen, and then how I get there (or rather, how Jade gets there) is as much of a mystery to me as anyone!

so, I had my beginning clearly written – 48000 words, which isn’t anything to sneeze at.

But then… like my brain gets in the way sometimes. Do you have those moments? where things are okay but then your brain is like OH HEY, LET ME HELP YOU and you’re like no, no Brain, I got this, no help needed, and Brain is like NO REALLY LET ME HELP. I AM A GOOD HELPER. But then Brain busts in and is not, in fact, a good helper. At all.

What do I mean by this? Well, I have always read books/articles/whatever on writing as I do want to grow as a writer, and I feel like I started paying too much attention to them. There’s all this advice out there about how by the time you are ‘this far’ into your story, you should have done all these things and have all these plot points set up. Or “Here is the list of all the plot points that must happen in your story.”

And I was like, oh shit, I’m at 48000 words and THE BIG THING I need to have happen (to kick off all the ‘stuff’) has JUST HAPPENED and if that’s supposed to happen in the first quarter of the book, then is this book going to be 200,000 words long? WHAT THE FUCK? I can’t write that. And if I go by this list of the 10 plot points I need to have, I don’t have plot point 2 and 4! THIS IS DISASTROUS.

Then depression and anxiety and yadda yadda – we had a whole post on that so I won’t go into it again. Then more depression, more anxiety. ETC.

So, where does that leave me now for Book 6? Well, now that I’m back writing, I’ve started by going back over what I’ve written and editing/re-viewing. It’s how I get back into the vibe I had for a book, or figure out if I even have a vibe yet.

And there’s stuff I can cut. I had an entire sub plot thing happening with Lily getting her own familiar that is NOT RELEVANT and not necessary so I cut that out. SORRY, LILY – maybe you and your familiar will get a short story.

I also realized I had a thing I needed to change. Hopefully this isn’t spolier-y, but there’s a moment in book 6 where a THING HAPPENS and rest of the Coven supports Jade and I realized…. Sorry, Jade, that doesn’t get to happen for you. You feel like an outsider and you still kind of are one, so #sorrynotsorry, your warm fuzzy moment has to go and they still won’t like you.

I feel a lot better about how that vibe is going to play out in the book.

As for the plotty mc-plotterson stuff I was discussing above – after long consideration, I decided I don’t, or rather I can‘t, care about general writing advice for how far along I need to be in my plot, or the order in which things have to happen, or even what a word count should be. I love the fact that people like my books, but I also write them for me. So, if I like the story I’m writing, then I’m happy. That may mean it’s not well-structured or wouldn’t get me a passing grade in a class on writing, lol. But I’ll be happy.

With that self-imposed pressure ‘released into the ether’ I’m just going to focus on writing the story I want to write and I hope that people like it when it’s done.

All right, internets! Take care and stay safe out there!

Share

I don’t even know what to say?

Date: January 18, 2021
Author: margaritagakis
Categories: Books, Covencraft, Depression, The Book
Comments: 5 Replies

As advertised, I’m not even sure what to say. It’s been well over a year, nearly two, since I last posted on this blog and I wish I had ground breaking news or something earth shattering to report, but I don’t.

As I’ve posted about before, I struggle with depression and anxiety and it’s been a long slog. If I look back, I can sort of pinpoint the end of 2015 where things started to take a slide down the well and since then it’s just been about riding that slide. If you suffer from (or have suffered from) depression or anxiety in the past, you know what I mean. If you haven’t, then I really hope you never do.

I get anxious talking about it in a public forum, like the interwebs, or even in any public space as I’m well aware I may not ‘look depressed.’ And also, there’s still a lot of stigma associated with mental illnesses. I try to speak up when I’m able because I think it’s important to be the change you want to see in the world.

There was a tweet I saw on tumblr that accurately summed up 2015-till about now.

the truth about depression

And wow. That was me (and apparently a lot of people based on the likes and retweets).

I don’t know how to explain if you haven’t been there what it’s like to have that be your life – going to work and doing well and then coming home and just… existing until it’s tomorrow and do it all over again. I dreaded people asking me what I did the night before or on the weekend. You can’t answser it honestly. Not to the general public. like Hyperbole and a half once alluded to in a post, it would then put you in the awkward position of having to comfort someone else about your feelings.

comforting others is hard when you have no spoons

So, that was me for a long, long 5 years. In April of 2018, I started seeing a new doctor and we cycled through some medication and if you’ve ever done that, you know it’s a gross slog of trying stuff out and waiting to see if it helps all while you ask yourself “Okay I’m still miserable, but am I less miserable than I was before? Or is this the same amount of miserableness?”

And then last January, I found myself a therapist again to talk through some of my ~issues. I ended up BACK on the same meds I was on before, but this time they seemed to be working and things started looking up. But I was still struggling with writing and I said to my therapist, I just don’t know why that is. She mentioned something like that getting better isn’t just a switch you flip. I was doing not-great and now I’m doing better and so all the stuff that I can do when I am better should suddenly just come back.

And I get that. I do. But it’s still kind of shitty because I had just foolishly assumed that PRESTO CHANGE-O HERE WOULD BE MY WRITING MOJO AND ALL WOULD BE WELL. it would be two thousand words a day and they would all be glorious and not need editing.

Um. No.

I’ve spent so long not writing that I’ve romanticized how it is for me. It is work and not usually easy, but it’s something I enjoy.

So I’ve started back up. I’m going to do a separate post on where exactly book 6 is sitting but I am back at it, and I plan to finish it. If you are looking for more details on that, I’ll have a post up soon.

I thank anyone and everyone that messaged me or left a comment, even if I didn’t (couldn’t) answer. Your interest in my writing means a lot to me. Sometimes my anxiety gets bad and I struggle with even answering a comment, so for all the times a Thank You has gone unsaid, Thank you.

Share