too funny

Real World Inspiration

Hello internet lovelies!

For all of those people who wonder, WHERE DO WRITERS GET THEIR IDEAS, today I bring you REAL WORLD INSPIRATION. One of my coworkers sent me this link today and I LOVE IT.

Here we have a breathtakingly beautiful Victorian home for sale.


Look how charming!


So quaint!

Now, let’s take a peek at the blurb, shall we?

Built in 1901, this Victorian home in the Hollywood section of Dunmore features 1850 sf of living space with an additional 1350 sf of partially finished space. Original hardwood floors throughout entire home. 4 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms. Off-street parking. Freshly painted. New moulding throughout entire first floor. Slightly haunted. Nothing serious, though. e.g. The sounds of phantom footsteps. A strange knocking sound followed by a very quiet (hardly noticeable, even) scream at 3:13am, maybe once a week. Twice a week, tops. And the occasional ghastly visage lurking behind you in the bathroom mirror. Even still, this occurs very rarely and only in the second floor bathroom. First floor features: Large living room with an open staircase, stainglass window and a large picture window. Large dining room with bay windows. A study/library with another stainglass window and a secret door behind a moving bookcase which leads into a small office. Kitchen features gas stove top, built-in oven and built-in dishwasher, tile counter top. Stairs leading to basement and a rear staircase leading upstairs. Also has enclosed porch/mudroom. Full 1st floor bath, very nice tile work and fixtures. 9 foot ceilings throughout 1st floor. Second floor features: 4 bedrooms. The 2 front bedrooms are separated by double louvered doors. Perfect for a Master Bedroom/Nursery set-up. 3 tall windows in each of the 4 bedrooms. Huge 2nd Floor full bath with large Victorian bathtub and very large closet. Large unfinished crawl space behind concealed door hidden in bedroom closet. Very strange area, but perfect for storage. Rear stairs leading down to kitchen. Stairs leading up to huge attic. Huge walk-up attic is partially finished. Spray-foam insulation, wired and three quarters of the way drywalled. Can easily be completed for an additional 400sf of living space. Very tall vaulted ceiling, dormers, 4 windows and rounded turret section (one of the coolest features in the whole house.) Basement features very large wet bar. Has sink and built-in tap system. Very large space and high ceilings. Basement has nice layout and can also be converted into living space. Also features a half bath. All around a beautiful home with lots of updates and tons of charm. Must see.

I CAN’T EVEN MAKE THIS STUFF UP!! I don’t know if it’s legit or if they’re just fraking with me, but either way, this listing is my TOP PIC. I’m just not sure if I want to call the Ghostbusters or hire some teenage kids and dare them to spend one night in the haunted bathroom, while video taping them and turning it into a mockumentary.


So funny, I snorted!

Seriously, you have GOT to read this article:
6 Writers Who Accidentally Crapped Out Masterpieces
By Shaun Grey

The best was, of course, number one – SHAKESPEAR:
Here’s some snippets:

Figuratively speaking, his works define the English language. And by “figuratively,” we of course mean “literally.” The motherfucker made up half of the dictionary off the top of his damn head. If you’ve ever said that something was a “sorry sight,” or that “what’s done is done,” not only are you an unimaginative hack, but you owe Shakespeare $10.

And as far as inventing half the English language goes, you’ve got to bear in mind that although Shakespeare was able to solicit some pretty sweet patronages from the nobility (once again, phat cash), the majority of his audience consisted of the filthy, unwashed peasants that packed the pit in front of the stage (theater-goers in Elizabethan England were in the unique position of being able to both see a Shakespeare performance and stand next to a donkey for three hours).

Go read it all, I guarantee, you’ll like it.