So.

I used to get emailed when someone commented on my blog and I guess that’s not working or I turned it off or something. Anyway. I’m really sorry to the people who commented and only heard back from me today! Epic fail.

Side note – Social Anxiety. Ugh, I know it makes no sense but when I saw there were comments my first thought was, “OH! COMMENTS! YAY!” and then when I realized how old they were my second thought was “OH SHIT! OH NOES. NOW PEOPLE THINK I’M IGNORING THEM AND IT’S SO RUDE. Is it too late to reply back? But not replying back at all is even ruder! okay, it’s okay. It’s an honest mistake! but how did I miss this? oh shit. Okay, okay. WHAT DO I DO. Do I reply back? Do I do a mass post and say I saw them and I’m sorry? I’ll just reply back, and apologize. It’s fine. but SO LATE.” And then I imagined hiding in my bed for a while with the covers over my head. I couldn’t actually do that because, you know, JOB and GROCERIES and LAUNDRY and shit. But…. I thought about it. It’s time’s like this that I identify with Lola’s worried face:

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If you don’t have social anxiety, you’re probably frowning and wondering how/why a person can get so worked up over this. but if you DO have social anxiety, you’re nodding your head and also feeling a little sick in your own stomach because you’ve have had similar experiences and it’s. the. worst.

I’ve been working on my social anxiety for a long time. A LONG TIME. But it’s still there, and likely always will be. And it just… gets set off by stuff. It was set off yesterday by being at an appointment and it was SUPER busy and there were all these PEOPLE and I could just FEEL the anticipation and impatience of the waiters, and the receptionist was working hard but I felt like there was also waves of “I KNOW IT’S CRAZY BUSY JUST CHILLAX” coming off him, and all those things together with me being at a new place was just…  I almost left. But. Deep breaths. And an internal monologue of, “stay the hell put. you booked this appointment now WAIT. You’re fine. it’s fine. EVERYONE IS FINE,” kept me there. And it all worked out.

 

 

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2 comments on “Face Palm [with a side helping of Social Anxiety]

  1. Samantha T.

    *Nods head slowly* I know exactly what you mean and it is totally, totally fine. As someone who had to be home-schooled because of social anxiety, trust me when I say It’s all gravy here! I don’t know about anyone else, but I just figured you were busy, as people tend to be. I mean after the initial panic of ‘oh god, I freaked her out. I came on too strongly. She thinks I’m a creeper. Fan-girl less crazy next time, you weirdo.’ XD But that happens almost every time I comment to someone on the internet so…

    Anyway, hope you have a good week! And I hope Portia is doing well too!

    1. margaritagakis Post author

      Aw, thank you for mentioning portia! she is doing a lot better! She is a senior dog so I fear she’s on limited time, so I’m just happy when she’s happy!
      Isn’t anxiety the worst!? I worked at my last job for about 8 years and EVERY TIME my boss wanted to talk to me, I was like “THIS IS IT. I’m GETTING FIRED.”
      And the same thing now at my ‘new’ job [which I’ve had 3 years]. As soon as someone senior is like, “can I speak with you?” I’m like “OH SHIT. OKAY BE COOL BE COOL, NO BIG. IT’S JUST ABOUT THE SPREADSHEET OR THE NUMBERS AND OH MY GOD THIS IS IT, HOW AM I GOING TO GET ALL THE FOOD I HAVE IN MY DESK HOME IF THEY MAKE ME LEAVE RIGHT AWAY?”
      and people who don’t have it wonder why you’re so nervous and it’s like IF I KNEW I WOULD FIX IT.

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