Hitting the Wall
Yup. I’ve hit the wall. Maybe not THE wall, but A wall. Definitely some kind of wall-ish object. I’m tired before I even get to bootcamp, and when I get there, I’m even more so. I push myself, but my heart just isn’t in it. At least not these past couple of weeks. and when you’re heart’s not in it, it’s tough to get up those stairs/hills/park benches. Last Friday was the first time I really felt it. We were doing hills. We go up, we go down. The idea is you “rest” while you are running downhill. but you are still running. and on my fourth time up the hill, Michelle, my trainer, was chasing me, telling me to keep going, go harder, faster, more! and suddenly, I just stopped.
Plain old stopped. She said I could catch my breath and as I stood there gasping I said, “What I really want is to cry. I’m TIRED.”
She nodded sympathetically. Said maybe that’s what I needed. But I still had to run up that hill. And I did. three more times.
Yesterday, it was full body workout. Up and over the park benches, tricep dips, pushups, run, sprint, jump, burpees. And all I could think was, “Stop. Just stop.” But I kept going.
Today, was stairs. and as I run, I’m getting out of breath faster and it takes longer to get it back. Four times up and down the stairs, then twice running out to the ridge and back. And then up and down again. I go up, I go down.
Three months of bootcamp has caught up to my psyche. I never thought of myself as an athlete. I started feeling like an athlete, but now I’m having second thoughts. Intellectually, I know I’m in a lot better shape. Prolly more so than I have ever been. Yet the scale has not budged. And that weighs on me. No pun intended.
I tell myself, that if I can just push through 4 more bootcamps, I get a whole week off until the next session. Four more bootcamps. Four more hours. It doesn’t sound so bad when you say it like that, but when you’re on the third of four sets of stairs, and you’re gasping for air, or sucking wind as we call it….. sigh.