I hate to break it to you… But you’re not that important.
Okay, all you cell phone/blackberry/text messaging freaks out there. Let’s face reality. Unless you hold the key to world peace or global domination, you are not as important as you seem to think you are. You do not need to be accessible 24-7. There is no need to take your cell phone with you into the bathroom and talk while you pee (yes, someone in my office building was actually doing this). Anyone who needs to talk to you can do so after you are finished using the facilities. You don’t need to leave your cell phone on at all hours in case someone calls. You don’t need to be yakking away on your way to work, even if you are working. That’s why you go to work in the first place. They can wait 20 minutes. And if you are sitting there screaming at me right now, ‘But I am that important,’ Honey, you’re not.
If you are screaming at me, ‘But my boss needs to reach me,’ Honey, neither you, nor your boss is that important.
There are of course select times when you do need to have your cell phone on at all times and you need to be available. If none of these applies to you, you need to re-evaluate your place in the food chain, take stock of yourself, and figure out why it is that you think you are the centre of the universe.
Case 1 – You or your spouse is 9 months pregnant – always a good reason to keep in touch
Case 2 – Someone is dying – Whether it’s a member of your family, or a friend’s, this is a good time to be available 24-7. I speak from experience
Case 3 – You are the president of the universe
Case 4 – You are God
If none of the above applies to you, get the frak off the phone.
I would like to nominate myself for President of the Universe. My top qualifications are as follows:
5. I can spell omnipotent
4. Everything I know about running a universe I have learned from Q
3. I would make every Friday cheap beer day (I mean every minute of every Friday, not just from 5:00 to 5:15
2. In five years my hair should look like Anderson Coopers (the young yet experienced look)
1. I have managed to make Heid Schempp-Fournier a (mostly)well mannered and well tempered individual. As such I should be able to get nations such as Isreal and Palistine to get a long term peace agreement hammered out by lunch time.
I second the motion!
This is a conspiracy, I say!