Well, if you do, fess up! You’re not alone! It’s time to own up to the freakish things we do that we tell ourselves are normal. I, myself, have many. But I am WELL AWARE that they are oddities, that they are irrational, that they make no sense whatsoever to anyone but me. But what really gets my manicured nails a-typing is when someone else who, CLEARLY, has bizarre quirks of their own, calls my quirks dumb or stupid but COMPLETELY REFUSES to acknowledge that they have them too!! I know that I have kooky habits, but they are my habits and they make my little world happy so shut it! Don’t sit there and tell me it’s completely irrational that I don’t let my toothbrush touch the counter and then turn around and check your cell phone six times in an hour ‘just in case it rang and I didn’t hear it.’
So what are some of my quirks and the rationalizations behind them? Here are some random ones. Take a look and then think about some of your own. . . . if. . . you. . . DARE!!!
1. The pillow I sleep on must not touch the floor. Rationale – floors are dirty and I have to put my face on that pillow.
2. A sponge must not be left touching the taps. Rationale – Sponges are microcosms of GERMS and I have to touch that tap!
3. No one but me may drink out of my coffee cup, water glass, soda can etc. Rationale – Hey, you get mononucleosis 4 times in one summer because this rule wasn’t obeyed, and then we can talk rationalities.
4. Wash my hands when I get home from work. Rationale – the world is a dirty place, and I’ve been touching keyboards, mice, phones, and somebody else’s documents all day long. God only knows what was on that stuff.
5. Coffee cures all your woes. Rationale – Coffee is warm, coffee is good. Coffee makes me happy, ergo, coffee is the solution to the universe’s problems.
6. Don’t put your finger in my pancake batter. Rationale – Do you mind? I don’t even touch my own food with my hands until I’ve washed my hands thouroughly. Keep your mits off, D!
7. I don’t eat chicken that looks like chicken. Rationale – I saw a chicken killed once in rural Greece. We had chicken that night. I’m scarred for life!!
8. I don’t actually prepare chicken either. Rationale – I thought that if it didn’t look like chicken I would be okay, but after 10 minutes of trying to Shake-n-Bake some chicken breasts I broke out in the shakes and a cold sweat. No joke.
9.My CD’s and Books must be alphabetized. Rationale – How the hell do you expect to find something if it’s not alphabetized??!!??
10.Before I go to bed, I must follow this specific routine – Turn on lamp, turn off light, sit on edge of bed, put on chapstick (we’ve already established I’m an addict), put on hand cream (left over from my Starbucks Barista days when my hands were so dry they would crack and bleed), take off glasses, turn off lamp, get into bed, fluff pillows on right, fluff pillows on left, lie on back for a couple of minutes, then left side, then right side, left side again, fall asleep. Including falling asleep time this all takes about an hour. Rationale – okay, I totally need the chapstick, who can think about sleeping when their lips are dry? Hand cream too, otherwise they get chapped as well. As for pillow fluffing and tossing and turning, it takes soooooooooooooooo looooooooooooong for the brain to shut off at night, that really, those are just the things I do to pass the time while my brain is spinning out a million thoughts a minute, like – how much money should I put on Visa this month? Is that the fan downstairs I hear? Did so-and-so get back to me at work about that report yet? Maybe I should just send another email . . . Did I wash my jeans for tomorrow or do I have to wear something else, you know it’s a been a while since I wore a skirt, maybe I should wear a skirt, but I think it’s calling for snow. I suppose it is possible that every snowflake is unique but really, since it can’t be empirically proven, isn’t it just a theory and not a fact? You’re never going to be able to check ALL the snowflakes that fall. Unless there is a mathmatical formula for it that I don’t know about. Like the one we had in PMAT for proving there is an infinite number of primes, I mean, that’s why we use letters in place of numbers in proofs, because you want to prove that something is true for ALL NUMBERS, not just some, so you use a letter in place of a number. How did Fermat know that A to the Nth power plus B to the Nth power equals C to the Nth power is never true for any N bigger than 2? Or was he bluffing? Is that the fan I hear, oh wait, I already thought about that. Don’t look at the clock, don’t look at the clock, you don’t want to know if you should be asleep by now. . . . .
And so on and so on.
So go ahead, admit your quirks, or are you, ahem, CHICKEN??!!??