So I generally stay away from award shows as a rule. BORING. But I decided to give the Oscars a try again last night.
That’s an entire evening of my life I’m never getting back.
Other than the fashion, who cares? It’s pretty much a given if you made a “raw” or “gritty” movie based on a real life character that you will take home an Oscar. Similarly, if you made a “racially charged”, “complex”, or “gut wrenching” movie. Here is your no fail Oscar formula:
You’re a stunningly beautiful woman who hags it up in a ‘gripping’ social drama
You’re a stunning beautiful woman who dolls it up in a biography
You’re a clearly heterosexual man who plays a gay man
You’re an unattractive man playing a haunted man with deep demons
You affect a killer accent
You play a quirky character with many ticks
You make the most boring thinky thinky movie alive with an all star cast.
So Phillip Seymour Hoffman played a guy with a weird voice and a bad haircut. Elijah Wood made me BELIEVE he was a three foot hobbit named Frodo!!
So Southern Belle Reese Witherspoone played Southern Belle June Carter Cash. Have you seen Parker Posey in ‘House of Yes’?
It’s all about whether or not ‘The Academy’ (insert deep radio annoucer voice here) thinks you’re movie ‘has a message’. Not about whether or not it’s entertaining. Or a rocking good time.
So for now, I will stick to that other movie award show, The MTV Movie Awarads. You know, the one that’s actually fun to watch? It has WAY better categories! Like Best Kiss, Best Action Scene, Best Fight, Best On Screen Duo! Stuff that the public obviously cares about (as you can tell from box office receipts). And not stuff that NO ONE has seen other than some old guys in the back of the Kodak Theater.