Dear Santa,
I have been a very good dog this year. Except for when I ate my mum’s laundry. And the times that I stuffed my face into the kibble bag when she opened the pantry. And the times I beat up my pack mate Rocky. And that time I jumped up on the counter and took the whole bag of bread. And that time I tried to take a sandwhich right out of my mummy’s hands.
Other than that, I have been an exceptionally good dog. Except for that time I growled at my mum. And when I had explosive diarrhea on the carpet, the wall, and the baseboards. And when I peed in her bedroom because I was mad at her. And I ate that book she was reading. And… well, never mind all that now. The point is, I am really good looking and look like I should be a good dog, and so I am a good dog, and if you don’t give me what I want, I will pee on your sleigh. Here is my list:
- Bones
- Kids
- Meat
- Yarn
- Another dog
- More Kibble
- My own queen sized bed with pillows and a blanket
- Did I already say meat? In case I didn’t, meat.
As I said, I have been a very good dog. I snuggle with my mum on a daily basis and even though I squirm and whine when she cuts my nails, I don’t bite her. I only make her put me outside 4 times an hour, and I only take up two thirds of her bed. I eat all the crumbs off the floor.
Most importantly, I make my mummy smile.
Love, Portiacakes.
PS. I was going to leave you cookies, but I ate them. I know you’ll understand.
PPS. I drank the milk too. It was very good.
